Friday, January 23, 2015

Becoming Better

11/23.

his family doesn't like cursing
so i'm probably going to stop for good
at least,
i want to
because i want to be a better person anyway
but it is hard
because everything is impulsive
like the way i bite my lip
and the skin next to my nails
but i want to stop those, too
before i get to meet his family
and get to see him again
just because he
gives me so many reasons 
to change
and to be my best.

Why I'll Probably Start Calling It Menstruation

11/23.

my boyfriend thinks periods
were probably named so
by guys who
were so afraid of girls
and who knew so little
that the time of month
when girls went a little
crazy
became considered 
that period,
that time,
because girls really needed
another reason to feel different,
to feel ashamed.

Carlyn

11/23.

i call you by your real name
carlyn
because it is unique.
it's one of a kind
and you are one of a kind.
you're also every bit real
and every bit special
to me
and you deserve to be whole,
all of you,
every bit of who you are
and carlyn
is who you are to me.

You're Just Different

11/19.

you're not heartless.
you cry, sometimes
and you reach for my hair 
to try to comfort me 
when i'm upset, too.
you do what you can for us,
you talk to us
and spend time with us
and laugh and smile 
and love.

some things are just harder 
for you, i think
you don't know how to 
show feeling
because feelings make you weak.
you are strong 
and you might do things
your own way,
but you care for us 
every day. 

Feeling - Incomplete

11/16.

there's a facebook status option that says
"feeling incomplete"
and i used it just a second ago
as part of a joke,
but i've realized that actually
there's no better word to describe 
what i've been since you left.

it's not only when i think about you,
but all the time,
because now everything i do
is being done without you
and i never really was
the better half either
so i really just need you back.

Follow

11/16.

i will follow you everywhere,
and people tell me
that isn't so good,
that i shouldn't make changes
so early on 
just because of you
but i know,
this is what i want to do
and i know,
if i don't take this chance
then i have much more to lose
because i'm not going to
wait here and watch you
get further and further away,
i'm going to follow you
because i know
that our love
is worth the chase.

I Miss Not Having to Miss You

11/14.

it's been about a week and a half
and i really miss you
like i miss not having to feel this way
and i miss telling your emotions
from your face.
there's nothing romantic 
about being long-distance,
it's difficult
and it sucks
and days are spent 
wondering what you're doing
or how you're coping
and if you know just how happy
it would make me
to hear your voice say my name
or to be able to watch the curves
of your smile when you laugh.
i hate not being with you,
not being a part of your day
as you push through it,
not holding your hand
not sitting next to you
and not kissing you goodnight.
i hate it
as much as i love you
and i don't want to miss you anymore
but i do.